A Fresh Start

I am grateful:
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13) that my car works, and my parking karma is generally good.
I've been living mostly without my car since moving, but when I need it, I'm very grateful that it's there. Oh, also very grateful that R. and I went out and had yummy food before the surgery. The memory of the reuben sandwish and latkes sustains me.

14) for dental insurance.
I had my wisdom teeth removed. OUCH!

15) that my mom got me a Magic Bullet.
I used to to make smoothies and to blend various foods while I was sick. I should use it more often.

16) for pain medication.
The G.A. drugs wore off, and I started really hurting.

17) that I got to see J. and K. (even though I was a sad, loopy gopher).
Also that Baja Betty's had Lobster Bisque that was super nummy. This was the peak of the swelling-- I looked rather ridiculous.

18) that my friends came over and painted ornaments and I had a great time for most of it.
Everyone was wonderful and supportive for the period of time when I just needed to curl up with my frozen peas on the couch. And we watched Bedknobs and Broomsticks!

19) for sick leave and an understanding boss.
I was still in a lot of pain, so I went to see the doctor again. I am also grateful that R. took the morning off to take me (can't drive on the drugs).

20) that I have many tools and lot of support to work through my emotions.
I sent a response to an email that was from someone in pain, and got a brusque response. I'm grateful that I can let go of it much easier than I would have in the past.

21) for the cessation of pain.
I actually had some pain-free time without drugs for the first time since the surgery. Unfortunately, it got worse in the evening, so I canceled plans to go sing with the chorus (which probably would have exacerbated things anyway).

Woohoo! I'm caught up to today!!

I am grateful:
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12) for a good (non-leaking!) roof over my head, working utilities and public services.

I was telling N. about my holiday challenge, and she reminded me of all the things that we tend to take for granted. I remember reading about a problem in the Indian sub-continent where some people wanted to ban plastic bags because people would use them as makeshift toilets and it made a big mess. I'm grateful that I have working plumbing connected to a waste treatment system (that will probably dump sewage into the water because of the rain, but still). I'm grateful for my drinkable water that comes out of the tap, and the electricity that rarely goes out. I'm grateful for the trash pickup that comes regularly.

It's raining a lot today. All of the idiots who don't know how to drive in the rain were on the road, of course. Ruby's had their retro night, so R. and I went for $2.70 burger and fries (ours were more because she got cheese and I got onion rings), and we split a chocolate turtle shake. So good!

I am grateful:
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9) for community.

Friday, R. and L. went with me to the Interclub Holiday party. It was great to see a lot of people I don't see that often, and a bunch of folks I had never met before. It was especially fun to be there with both of my loves, and I had a great time flitting around the room. I was a little disappointed that I wasn't able to organize cookie baking like last year, but a couple friends brought cookies that were awesome! All in all, a great way to end the work week.

10) that I know myself.

We had our holiday concert last night for San Diego Women's Chorus. I'm the secretary of the board, and my term is over at the end of the year. I love the chorus, and the community of women, and I need a break. I loved being a part of Sister Singer's in 2006. In fact, its the main reason I initially joined the chorus. I'm sad that I will miss Sister Singer's in Chicago next year, but I need to put some time and effort into developing my vocal ability. I intend to go back to the La Jolla Symphony Chorus (assuming I can get back in), and will be looking for a voice teacher. My goal is to audition for the San Diego Opera Chorus, or perhaps San Diego Light Opera. I'm nervous and excited to commit to this goal. I put together a tape in 2003 and was not invited for an audition. Eeek!

I am grateful:
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7) for life without cable.

Yeah, I'm running a day behind, so I'm going to try to post today's before I go to bed and get on track.

R. and I have been living with out cable TV since October. This was my idea, and I'm grateful the R. was willing to give it a shot. Netflix and friends have kept us from missing TV too much. We watch movies (VCR and DVD), and catch Top Chef and some other shows when we visit with friends. It has helped me enormously to focus on other things, like reading, cooking and cleaning. My default was to come home and catch up on my TV shows. Now I work on dinner first, maybe get online, and then watch something with R. if I don't have anything else to do, or just while we eat. I like this lifestyle. We are talking about getting a PS3 for Christmas, so we can watch Netflix and blu-ray. My hope is that it would just give us easier access to a wide variety of things so that we never miss cable. We'll see.

I am grateful:
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5) for L.

I started dating L. over two years ago. I can't say how grateful I am for her love and support. I have grown so much and much of it is attributable to her. Most of all she has shown me that it's okay to be me, and loved all sides of me. I got to spend time with her this evening, and we caught up from the weekend. It was good, quiet time, and then R. came home and we shared tea and chocolate cupcakes from Eclipse. Life is good!

I am grateful:
1) for my bio-family
2) for my family of choice.

I spent the day lazing about at home, wishing that the internet was working. (Could someone explain the point of the button on our modem that renders it useless?) R. and I then went over to bff's house, and we had a huge feast with one of my non-bio family groups. I love them all dearly (though the boys were missed).

3) that I have had so many interesting experiences.

Today has been spent sorting things in the garage. We're getting there, and can soon think about what things we wish to acquire for the apartment. Other than a dining table and chairs, I'm not sure what will be on our list (R. has a longer list than me). It's been neat to look back through my old stuff and remember what I did in Japan. They treated me really well.

I did this two years ago, and it really helped me to keep a positive attitude, so I'm going to do it again. (If you follow the tag, you can see what I posted last time.) It will start tomorrow. I will post one thing I'm grateful for each day (with all the previous days under a cut). The last day will be New Year's Day 2010, when I will have a total of 37 things that I am grateful for. I heartily welcome everyone's support, and invite you to join me in cultivating gratitude this holiday season!

Happy Holidays,
Ellie

I am grateful:( Read more... )
39) for walking outside and how my body feels when I exercise.

Sunday
We had a lazy morning, then L made pancakes and eggs and I helped a bit. I'm happy that she is willing to walk me through these things. She also showed me how to make pinto beans last night. I spent a good portion of the day working around the house, but also got out for a walk to the park. I'm getting things together for self care while I'm up here, and that makes me happy. I also had a longish conversation with G, who hasn't generally been talkative. He showed off a little of his boxing, and it was good to see him engaged.

I didn't intentionally do it this way, but it's ended up being 40 days, if I stop with today. That's amusing. It's been a good exercise, and particularly well timed because this has been a difficult month. I am grateful for the nudge to carry out this exercise. Thanks, universe!

I am grateful:( Read more... )
36) for arnica and hot baths.

Thursday
Wend to work, and did observations in the pharmacy for several hours. Talked to K and my mom during the day. Then off to therapy, and that went well. I had plans to meet with J, and since he wasn't interested in getting dinner together, I stopped by Panera (yummy portabela mushroom bisque), then headed south. We hung out for a bit, and I got to say hi to his roommate H, who I have known longer than him, but don't hang out with. On my way home, I stopped for some arnica (yeay!)-- If you're not familiar with it, it's fantastic for muscle soreness and bruises. I talked with L some, then took a bath and went to bed.

I realized recently that I have all these bath salts around and never take baths, so I've started taking them. I still don't like American baths all that much, but it's nice to sit in hot water and turn myself into a lobster (or octopus, as they would say in Japan). Aside from the relaxing effects, it's healing for me to sit and be still. It's a nice way to end my day.

I am grateful:
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33) that I could stay and keep L company.
34) for a safe place to cry and the healing power of tears.

Monday
We did errands most of the day-- shopping, picking up movie tickets, laundry, etc. I enjoyed a nice lunch at Redondo Beach Cafe with L and her son who was sick, poor thing. Then we met up with J, J, and K at a family gathering. That was fun and interesting. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed talking with the other younger women at the gathering (I often find women near my own age rather annoying). We had the opportunity to exchange gifts there. I was happy that I could give something even though I'm feeling low on resources. Then we went to see Sweeney Todd, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Then home and time spent staying up way too late with L.

Tuesday-- Xmas
Got up, wished L's household a merry christmas, and headed back home to my BFF's house. They still had some fried dough when I got there. Played some half games, watched Pirates, and fell asleep on the couch. Later in the evening, the other chosen family came over and we had dinner. I'm so grateful to be included my BFF's family. Thanks to the opportunity to relax, I was finally able to let out some of the stress that has been building up (this was before dinner). I went for a walk, cried to my mother on the phone, then went back to the house and cried more in D's arms. Thanks, D. As much as they frustrate and annoy me, I miss my family-- Mom, Dad, and brother. And I'm angry and hurt at my extended family who live nearby, but couldn't be bothered to inform me of where the gathering was or answer my phone calls. I don't believe that they are purposefully excluding me, but I'm still hurt. The amazing news is that it seems that my parents want to bail me out of the credit stuff. We'll see what strings come with this gift, but I'm inclined to grab on to any life preserver that's thrown to me.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. This was not my best, but certainly not the worst. I spent the day surrounded by and receiving SMS's from those who love me. I had support and space to feel what was going on. I am truly grateful.